It felt like yesterday for Lila (name has been changed), 35 years old, remembering the day she knew that she was infected with HIV, eight years ago. It was supposed to be her happiest day, as she discovered that she was three-months pregnant. However, when she informed her partner, he dropped a bomb saying that he had been HIV positive for two years.
“I felt like the sky collapsed on me. I was shocked and I just wanted to kill myself and to abort my baby. When I confronted my partner for not telling me his condition, he just said he did not want to lose me,” she recalled.
The most hurtful for me were the looks given by my co-workers at the workplace. They did not have to say anything, but from their cynical or fearful looks, I was mentally broken."
Lila
Lila immediately checked her HIV status to the hospital. The first test came out negative. “I did not believe the result as I just had the feeling deep inside my heart that I was already infected,” she continued.
At the same time, she also looked for a gynecologist who had experience with treating HIV positive women, as she planned to do an abortion. “I met a gynecologist who really understood my condition. He convinced me not to worry and my pregnancy would go well,” Lila uttered.
Unable to ignore her feeling, Lila undertook another HIV test three months later. This time the test came out positive and she received treatment to protect her pregnancy. She tried to forget her HIV status by burying herself in her work.
As a receptionist at one of the international hotels in Jakarta, she worked as long and hard as she could. “My manager was concerned, why I worked that hard with the bulging belly, and why I even liked to take over my colleagues’ tasks. I just needed to let go of all my stresses and frustrations. I did not have people that I could talk to, so I just got myself busy,” Lila remembering her stressful days.
Her business was also to find a way to abort her baby. She wished that by getting herself busy and hectic, her baby would not survive. She even took traditional herbs known for aborting pregnancies. Until one day, her condition dropped and the baby’s heartbeat was undetected.
“At that time, I just felt so devastated. For the first time of my pregnancy, I felt an unbearable fear that I could finally lose my baby. And, against all odds, I did not want that to happen,” said Lila, adding that since that terrific moment, she took a good care of her pregnancy until delivery.
After nine months, she finally gave a birth to a beautiful baby girl through a C-section. The baby received immediate treatments. Lila’s daughter undertook a series of treatments and tests until she was two years old. “I was so relieved that she was diagnosed HIV negative. She is now an active six years old and the light of my life,” she added, proudly.
Lila came back to work after completing her three-month maternity leave. She began to feel a different treatment from the company. Her manager started to give her less assignments and she was placed in morning schedules, known as the quiet schedule with less with client interaction. She was also denied a promotion and started to receive notices and warnings for her work performance.
“Interestingly, the company suddenly conducted urine and drug tests for the staff and urged the staff to take HIV test,” exclaimed Lila in disbelief. She tried to endure her work situation, until one day a co-worker came to her asking about her condition. “A colleague asked me,”Are you healthy? I heard that you got AIDS?” Lila imitated her co-worker.
Shocked with what she heard, Lila knew that her HIV positive status had leaked. She believed the company learned about her status from the insurance company during her child’s delivery. “Since I had to take a C-section, the insurance company needed to know the reason why. Other than my doctor and the hospital, no one knew my status at that time, not even my parents,” she said. Yet, no one, including the management, had ever asked or confronted her.
“The most hurtful for me were the looks given by my co-workers at the workplace. They did not have to say anything, but from their cynical or fearful looks, I was mentally broken,” she openly expressed her feelings. After five months, she decided to resign. She knew she had to leave the company.
Through my testimony, I wish people with HIV will have greater job opportunities and better access to employment. We can work productively, give positive contribution to the company and will not harm the company. Stop discriminating us."
Lila
To date, she has been moving to tourism industry and has been working as an operational manager at a travel agent for three years. For the first time, she decided to tell her boss about her HIV status two years ago. She had never been open about it before, as she feared that no company would open their doors to her.
“I decided to inform my boss, as his family is mostly medical doctors. He was astounded at the beginning, but was surprisingly supportive knowing my work performance. I also appreciated his support when I need to take leaves for my medical check-up or treatment,” told Lila.
In addition, Lila has been active in giving testimonies. She wants to contribute in the fight against stigma and discrimination against people with HIV. “Through my testimony, I wish people with HIV will have greater job opportunities and better access to employment. We can work productively, give positive contribution to the company and will not harm the company. Stop discriminating us,” she wished.
Despite of her HIV status, she is grateful for her life. With support from her family, she takes a good care of her health condition seriously. “My health is a number one priority for me. I exercise, take supplements and take care of myself. All the painful feelings I have put behind me now. I am motivated to live my life to the fullest,” said Lila with a hopeful smile.
The story was written by Gita Lingga, ILO's Communication Officer based on an interview with Lila
